The one where I say things to you that are maybe also a little to me.

by terra on June 9, 2014 · 7 comments

in and some other stuff,Deep Thoughts

Sooner or later, the floor starts to look less welcoming than it did before. It used to be this great spot – a corner, maybe – where you could sit next to the stereo, the saddest songs on repeat and just sort of be. It wasn’t a good sort of being. It wasn’t a healthy sort of being, it was just simply being and even then, just barely.

You can feel yourself sinking into it, sinking into the sadness the same way we’ve eased ourselves into swimming pools. You don’t want to help it along, but you do. You push play on the saddest fucking song you can find and sit in a pot full of fucked up feelings. Sometimes the sadness is the loudest thing that’s out there, and that’s it.

You can look at a situation logically and say, hey, bitch, get the fuck up and do something with yourself, but it’s not that fucking simple. The sitting, the stewing, the hurting. That’s the simple shit. It’s terribly difficult too, in its own way, but mostly you don’t have a choice.

So you sit and you stew, stuck in a sick vat of whatever cards you’ve been dealt, real or perceived, fucked or not. Maybe you talk it out, maybe one day you just get the fuck off the floor and realize that hey, you’re not shit. Because you’re not. You’re fucking beautiful. You’re amazing. You’re funny and you’re smart and you’re great.

That’s it.

You’re fucking great. You’re brilliant. You’re loved, so much, by so many people.

I know.

I know it’s hard to see it. I know it’s easy to sink, to drown in it, to be a bystander to a terrible sort of sadness that chokes the life out of sunlight, I know. I fucking get it.

But shit.

It’s you.

{ 7 comments… read them below or add one }

Margaret June 9, 2014 at 12:09 pm

Praying an Angel will reach for your hand

Reply

tomfromhr June 9, 2014 at 12:35 pm

“You can look at a situation logically and say, hey, bitch, get the fuck up and do something with yourself, but it’s not that fucking simple.”

So. Fucking. True. I hate when people pretend like that shit is just incredibly simple and it’s just a matter of thinking positive or some shit.
tomfromhr recently posted..A Late Winter Update

Reply

Kelly L
Twitter: kelalea
June 9, 2014 at 2:23 pm

THIS.

Reply

Ash June 9, 2014 at 12:36 pm

I think the part where we listen to the saddest songs ever, the ones that rip right into our Hearts and sometimes, but not always, bring the great, heaving sobs, the tears we think we never stop flowing, are, in a way, necessary. It’s how we mourn, now, how we grieve, and the grieving is itself necessary.
Losing a partner, a husband, a marriage, and even more than that, all the dreams you had for a lifetime together, in the way you have, with all that has happened, is in some ways harder and more painful than losing someone to death. You are grieving the loss of so very much, both what you had and what you expected, and the reason is the twisting of the knife inside.
And the grieving takes time. However long it takes. And needs expression. There is no funeral, no rituals to ease it along, as there would be with a death. But there are songs, and they give us the chance to mourn our losses, whatever they may be, to pour out our grief until we’re ready to get up off the floor again, turn them off, and let it go.
You are strong. You are smarter than smart. You are drop-dead gorgeous.
And you will heal.
I Love you.
Ash recently posted..“Chronic. Fatigue. Syndrome. It’s An Illness.” – May 12: ME/CFS Awareness Day

Reply

megan
Twitter: meganstanley
June 9, 2014 at 12:56 pm

You’re the smartest and the prettiest and the funnest and the badassest and the magicalest and the coolest and I fucking love you and I’m so glad you’re seeing these things now, too. <3
megan recently posted..random things.

Reply

laurentheanimal
Twitter: laurentheanimal
June 9, 2014 at 1:07 pm

I know. Amazing. <3
laurentheanimal recently posted..Photo

Reply

Kelly L
Twitter: kelalea
June 9, 2014 at 2:24 pm

You are fucking amazing and great and awesome and fabulous and I love you and I’m sending you all the hugs forever.
Kelly L recently posted..It Doesn’t Have to Be Las Vegas

Reply

Leave a Comment

CommentLuv badge

Previous post:

Next post: