That time Ben Affleck led me on an introspective adventure

I am occasionally prone to grand, definitive statements, and once I reach a conclusion, I tend to stick to it steadfastly.

It took a summer season of eggplant in my CSA box for me to finally denounce eggplant as the asshole vegetable that it is and I haven’t looked back since. I declared my hatred for it, and that was that. I haven’t touched the stuff in at least two years and I can’t help but scowl at the mere mention of eggplant, such is my deep-rooted hatred for it.

At 25, I proclaimed my favorite color as green. It was a turning point for me, really, a symbol that I was finally shedding the indecisiveness of my early 20s and teens and was turning into someone with an opinion. And so there it was. Green is my favorite color and no matter how much coral keeps popping up in my wardrobe and no matter how many blue things I acquire, green is still my favorite color because I declared it so four years and surely, it must still be true.

Change is something I’m generally pretty shitty at and I tend to have a really tough time changing my mind on hard-spoken pronouncements and so, while watching Argo last night, I found myself conflicted and confused.

See, I hate Ben Affleck. I’m said it half a million times. Declared it, loudly, at the mere mention of him or one of his films and I’ve doggedly avoided his movies because my loathing for him is a serious and often-announced sort of thing.

My life is, and has been, a no Ben Affleck, no Tom Cruise and no Kevin Bacon zone for something like five years now and there I was, willing watching Argo, which I assumed I’d hate because of THE AFFLECK, but no – there I was, totally enjoying the fuck out that movie and actually even enjoying Ben’s performance and then for a minute I felt like everything in my life was a lie because there was Ben Affleck on my screen not being a TOTAL AND COMPLETE SHIT and if that was the case then maybe my favorite color isn’t actually green and what if eggplant can be amazing?!?

And so that’s the story of how Ben Affleck led me to an epiphany about life being in constant evolution and how sometimes who we are changes while we’re busy living and discovering and being and that yesterday’s proclamations aren’t always today’s proclamations, which seems like a really important lesson, just not one I thought I’d get from Ben Affleck.

I realized today, driving to work, that I’m happy, and it’s not just because tomorrow I get on a plane and fly to Vegas for the last ever Bloggers in Sin City (although let’s be clear, I AM OVER THE MOON EXCITED FOR THIS ADVENTURE). It’s more than that. My life has changed so, so much in the last year and there were some serious and wretched bumps in the road, but I feel stronger and better than I have in a long, long time, something I mostly owe to all the shifts that have taken place in my life these past many months and because I’ve allowed my self to change the way I think about limitations and the things I can and cannot do.

So, thanks Ben Affleck, for the epiphany and for being kind of amazing in Argo.


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9 thoughts on “That time Ben Affleck led me on an introspective adventure

  1. oh, ben Affleck…is there anything you CAN’T teach us?! 😉
    have a fabulous time at BiSC, lady! I am sad to miss it yet again but know it will be amazing!

  2. Alan

    i like this. perhaps Ben Affleck has changed too, as he is likely influenced by jennifer garner’s philanthropy efforts. to be static is is to be mortal.

  3. Megan

    The way you feel (now possibly felt) about Ben Affleck is how I feel about James Franco and Taylor Swift. Although I doubt that they will ever do anything as great as Argo to make me change my mind.

    Have fun in Vegas!

  4. San

    I didn’t think it was possible, but I love you even more after this… because OMG, Ben Affleck was on my sh*tlist for a very long time and I couldn’t imagine ever liking anything that came out of his mouth (or on screen).
    Sometimes it’s ok to change one’s mind about things 🙂

    <3 Also: Vegas!

  5. Once again you prove your awesomeness with this post. I haven’t watched anything Affleck in a long time, so I don’t really know where I stand on the topic of watching his movies, but I do know I want to see Argo.

    Have a blast in BiSC! If you fly over STL wave and I’ll wave back =)

  6. The words “last ever” and “Bloggers in Sin City” in the same sentence make my heart really sad. BUT! I’m reasonably convinced it’s ALSO going to be the best ever and so therefore it’s probably best that it’s the last one because we will never ever be able to top it again.

    I had eggplant once and it was such a “meh” experience that I was like, you know, I don’t think I like it. Then a couple weekends ago I had this eggplant chicken sandwich thing and it was probably the greatest sandwich I’ve ever had in my life and while I don’t know if eggplant in itself is worthy of being eaten, I would definitely entertain the idea of eating things with eggplant in it.

    Also, I hate change. I hate it so hard, unless I’m 100% in control of it. If I instigate it and I chase it, then it’s great. If it is thrust upon me, it’s anxiety meltdown after anxiety meltdown.

  7. I’ve definitely had moments like this, i mean tomatoes were not a part of my vocabulary until I was 20 and now I’m basically addicted. and Ben. Oh Ben. he is a wise one and an excellent filmmaker. so happy he could help you change your ways 🙂

  8. You tried new things, you were happy, you felt safe. Good for you, you should be proud. maybe you won’t like everything new that you try but at least you tried it. I’m doing the same and I’m a lot older than you are! Next change: rent Argo. I never hated Ben Affleck but I’m not a big fan of Tom Cruise.

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