I am occasionally prone to grand, definitive statements, and once I reach a conclusion, I tend to stick to it steadfastly.
It took a summer season of eggplant in my CSA box for me to finally denounce eggplant as the asshole vegetable that it is and I haven’t looked back since. I declared my hatred for it, and that was that. I haven’t touched the stuff in at least two years and I can’t help but scowl at the mere mention of eggplant, such is my deep-rooted hatred for it.
At 25, I proclaimed my favorite color as green. It was a turning point for me, really, a symbol that I was finally shedding the indecisiveness of my early 20s and teens and was turning into someone with an opinion. And so there it was. Green is my favorite color and no matter how much coral keeps popping up in my wardrobe and no matter how many blue things I acquire, green is still my favorite color because I declared it so four years and surely, it must still be true.
Change is something I’m generally pretty shitty at and I tend to have a really tough time changing my mind on hard-spoken pronouncements and so, while watching Argo last night, I found myself conflicted and confused.
See, I hate Ben Affleck. I’m said it half a million times. Declared it, loudly, at the mere mention of him or one of his films and I’ve doggedly avoided his movies because my loathing for him is a serious and often-announced sort of thing.
My life is, and has been, a no Ben Affleck, no Tom Cruise and no Kevin Bacon zone for something like five years now and there I was, willing watching Argo, which I assumed I’d hate because of THE AFFLECK, but no – there I was, totally enjoying the fuck out that movie and actually even enjoying Ben’s performance and then for a minute I felt like everything in my life was a lie because there was Ben Affleck on my screen not being a TOTAL AND COMPLETE SHIT and if that was the case then maybe my favorite color isn’t actually green and what if eggplant can be amazing?!?
And so that’s the story of how Ben Affleck led me to an epiphany about life being in constant evolution and how sometimes who we are changes while we’re busy living and discovering and being and that yesterday’s proclamations aren’t always today’s proclamations, which seems like a really important lesson, just not one I thought I’d get from Ben Affleck.
I realized today, driving to work, that I’m happy, and it’s not just because tomorrow I get on a plane and fly to Vegas for the last ever Bloggers in Sin City (although let’s be clear, I AM OVER THE MOON EXCITED FOR THIS ADVENTURE). It’s more than that. My life has changed so, so much in the last year and there were some serious and wretched bumps in the road, but I feel stronger and better than I have in a long, long time, something I mostly owe to all the shifts that have taken place in my life these past many months and because I’ve allowed my self to change the way I think about limitations and the things I can and cannot do.
So, thanks Ben Affleck, for the epiphany and for being kind of amazing in Argo.