First you bitch & moan, then you set some goals. Also, 2013’s do-it list.

I’ve started off 2013 in a weird place. My stupid plantar fascia injury has beaten and killed my motivation and it’s making all the goals I have for the year seem almost beyond my grasp, at least running wise. And since Andrew is back in Alabama, flying helicopters like a bad ass mother fucker, and since there are no grand and epic adventures planned for us this year beyond my monthly trips to Alabama, I’m feeling a bit lost. I keep waking up each morning hoping my foot won’t hurt and that I can put some running shoes on and go for a run and then every morning that it still hurts I start to feel more and more crazy because really, ALL I WANT IS TO GO FOR A FUCKING RUN, which is so frustrating, but also slightly bewildering, because since when did I become the sort of person who goes ever more crazy with each run she misses? I mean, what the fuck is that? Is this really my life?

Also, sometimes I’m really fucking dramatic. I know, logically, that this stupid foot thing will heal and I’ll be able to run again, but there is this bewildered part of me that is assuming that I won’t be able to do anything active EVER AGAIN and all this not running means that each run I miss means I lose bits of progress that I’ve made with running and ALL THE WOE AND SPITE AND SADNESS AND BOO MOTHERFUCKING HOO.

I’m also realizing that this living alone thing means I spend too much time in my own head sometimes, which is what I’m prone to do anyway, and without anyone around most days to distract me, I just curl up with my thoughts and do ALL THE THINKING and ALL THE FEELING and sometimes I think I just make myself crazier with all the thinking and feeling. And then I think about all the shit I could be doing, like painting the bedroom or quilting or learning how to do handstands or WHAT THE FUCK EVER and then I just think some more about why I’m not doing those things and IT’S AN AWFUL FUCKING CIRCLE OF THINKING that I wish would just SHUT THE FUCK UP.

And the thing is, in spite of it, I do still have goals for the year and no matter how bitter I feel right now, I feel like I should write them down, even if they seem distant in these instants of foot pain and husband-in-Alabamaness. Because there’s still shit I want and will accomplish, foot injury, occasional stumbles into pits of darkness and husband absences be damned!

2013’s DO IT LIST*

CAUSE DOING IS THE ONLY OPTION

 

1. RUN A HALF MARATHON.

2. ROAD TRIP.

3. GET ANOTHER TATTOO.

4. EMBARK ON AN EPIC ADVENTURE TO CELEBRATE ANDREW’S FLIGHT SCHOOL GRADUATION.

5. RUN IN FOUR OR MORE MUD, OBSTACLE, OR ADVENTURE RACES.

6. VOLUNTEER.

7. GET THE HONEY BADGER BACK.

8. FIGHT FOR THE THINGS THAT MATTER MOST, AND WIN.

9. READ 50 OR MORE BOOKS.

10. PLOT A GRAD SCHOOL PLAN.

2013 seems like a big deal. My 5 year wedding anniversary is Friday, I turn 29 in March and my 10 year Army anniversary is in May. It’s a whole year of crazy milestones. Fingers crossed I get the hell out of my own way and let the awesome be awesome.

* I understand that a do-it list sounds a little (or a lot) dirty and that’s exactly why I like it, dammit.

22 thoughts on “First you bitch & moan, then you set some goals. Also, 2013’s do-it list.

  1. Alan

    I like it! Ok, I don’t comment much but this is a new year. However, I’m thinking now way too much about your ninth do-it list goal. 50 books is a lot (or is it?!?), so is this so because you are setting a lofty unattainable goal in hopes to reach personal reading excellence… or does it seem high to me because of my lack of priorities and time (it’s likely this one). I’ve managed to read 5 books in 4 months (7-10 if you count some age 3-6 books I’m pre-reading for Gwen). I’m trying to figure out if I’m watching too much Daily Show or if I’m behind for being a long time non-reader or if being a parent is hindering my nose in book or yes.

    my latest reads in order of completed, Gwendolyn’s pre-reads not included:
    Farm City: The Education of an Urban Farmer – Novella Carpenter… currently reading
    The Sense of Wonder – Rachel Carson
    Ideas and Opinions – Albert Einstein
    Billions & Billions: Thoughts on Life and Death at the Brink of the Millennium – Carl Sagan
    How to Talk So Kids Will Listen & Listen So Kids Will Talk – Adele Faber, Elaine Mazlish

    post script – a recent blog I’ve found that you may find interesting is raptitude.com… some of his posts are long enough to be compiled into books, so perhaps that’s taking up some of my “book” reading time… oh, and I don’t have a kind-el (or whatever the going name is)

    1. I read 40 books in 2012 and that was during my final semester for undergrad, so I feel like 50 is a reachable goal for 2013. We’ll see. With Andrew gone, I’ve found I’m spending a lot more time reading that I used to and with all the flights to see him, that adds reading time as well. Also, I think GG probably takes up most of your prime reading time. And I’m absolutely going to add a few of your recent reads to my ever-growing to-read list.

  2. I can relate to the circular thinking hole, I go down it regularly while lying in bed trying to fall asleep. If your epic adventures bring you to Texas, I’d love to show you around!

  3. Lots and lots of thinking goes on in hotel rooms too!!

    Have you tried any of the PF balls? You can use tennis balls, golf balls, or most running stores have fancy PF balls. You roll them underneath the arch of your foot to break up and massage the tissue.

  4. I didn’t even notice that it was a do-it list until you mentioned it but it has a good ring to it!

    I started 2013 off in a similar way; I want to exercise more but I have early onset arthritis in one (probably both, now) knees so sometimes they let me do things, other times not so much! It sucks. And my wedding is over. Honeymoon is over. Christmas is over. We have NO trips planned, nothing different/exciting or out of the ordinary so it leaves me wondering what 2013 will bring and then I realized maybe, after two years of crazy, it will bring peace. Settling in. Learning and growth. Not exciting but maybe what I need? (Although I still want to take a cool trip.)

    Happy early 5 year wedding anniversary!!

    1. I’m such a planner that this has been a good exercise in just living in the now, instead of plotting and scheming the NEXT BIG THING. It’s REALLY HARD, but it’s probably good for me.

  5. Holly

    I can totally help you with #2 and #6. And with the general having too much time alone in the house thing. Seriously, please call or DM or just show up at my apt. Or invite me over–i love your house. We live so close, and I know what it’s like to get too much in your own head and just want some company now and then.

  6. “Fingers crossed I get the hell out of my own way and let the awesome be awesome.” I will hope this for you and for me, I tend to get in my own way a whole lot.

    love your goals and hope you cross them all off your list this year!

  7. Ash

    Since, when I read this, I “heard” it in my mind, in your voice & cadence, it seems to me as if the Honey Badger is alive & well. 😉

    Happy Anniversary to you both! <3

  8. Ugh. THIS. ALL THE FEELS.
    I was working out every day, doing Insanity, then I broke my foot in October and I haven’t quite managed to get my groove back. I started up again, and promptly got Strep. I keep feeling SUPER negative about it, but I’m starting 30 days of yoga on Monday to try and get back on track. It’s baby steps, man.

    Also, I will totally get a tattoo with you. (because I’m an addict, don’t enable me!)

  9. Alverna

    I’ve been so busy with class and work and volunteering and life that I haven’t read your blog in way too long. I miss you–and Andrew too. Happy 5th anniversary to you both! Also, how about a road trip to Athens sometime this year?

  10. If your plantar fasciatas (spelling is wrong) is not better, there is something you can buy in a special drug store that really helps. I bought mine at a surgical drug store or you can buy it on line. It has velcro straps and you wear at night at bedtime, don’t walk around on it. if you are interested I can take a photo of mine. It’s black, one piece and has two velcro latches so your heel is elevated. I’ve had this condition several times and it is agonizing but you need to let it heal ( or heel 🙂 ) good luck. Laurie

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